I was absent mindedly looking back over the paper diary I (infrequently) keep and noticed that it’s almost a year to the day that Mark moved back to England. I remember the day very well…I spent it with Damien, feeling very strange. Mark texted me from the bus as I walked into town alone, and suddenly Glasgow seemed a lot smaller. I still didn’t know Mark very well, really, and the sadness I felt was completely disproportionate to our relationship at the time. Thinking back I suppose I was sad at the loss of perceived opportunities and possible futures more than anything else. Of course I wasn’t in love with him then, but I knew there was something between us, some spark that could become a bonfire.
I would never have believe that one year down the line we’d not only be a couple, but be ‘in love’ with each other. In some ways it seems like last week, in others 10 years ago. So much has happened since then, so many people., so many nights. And somehow we both came in a circle and ended up face to face. I told Mark last week that I’d never felt this way before about anyone, and that I was making it up as I went along. How are you meant to behave when you love someone? It’s never a question you think about until one day it hits you and you are hit with all of these unfamiliar emotions that turn the everyday into new worlds. You feel like a child learning how to be a ‘grown up’, again. But hey, so far it’s a welcome regression
How things change, how they stay the same. Reading this now brings a massive grin to my face. How fortunate I have been in so many ways. I will lie in bed with a book now, drift off to sleep and half-awaken in a few hours when Rob comes in from work and lies beside me. Who am I to be blue?