I Am Leaving The Labour Party: An Open Letter

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Life is full, full of surprises. It’s surprising how dreams come true. My dream, ever since I were a lad, was to be a member of the Labour Party. Some people want to join Labour because their parents were members. Some want to join because of particular issues. Some cads want to join because they dream of safe seats in Liverpool where they don’t actually have to speak to voters and can devote their time to being on This Week. Not me. I joined because I liked the sound of the words. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaabour Paaaaaaaaaaaaarty.

But values too! Such values. Values of the kind you have never known. I’ve seen values you people wouldn’t believe. Values on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched values glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those values will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.

“Get to the point,” I hear you cry! Well I won’t, because unlike the deluded left-wing sheeple who currently run Labour I am my own man. I will waffle in a self-important manner for as long as I can still breathe and type. Some people wait a lifetime for a moment….a moment like this. Key change. This is my time.

So here it is. After years of actually having to speak to idiots who had never even heard of Chuka Umunna, sometimes even having to touch them for God’s sake, I have had enough. I am leaving the Laaaaaaaaaaaaabour Paaaaaaaaaaaaaarty (still sounds good, huh?). This is no longer my party and I will cry if I want to.

I can no longer stay in a party where ‘moderate’ is a dirty word. Yes, I know the Laaaaaaaaaaaaaabour Paaaaaaaaaaaarty constitution states that it’s a ‘democratic socialist party’ and it was founded by socialists and all but come on. We all know that commie shit is doomed and ‘democratic socialism’ is just a euphemism for ‘Liberal Democrat but not deluded’. These dangerous idiots who actually want the party to be socialist have gone too far, too quickly. I cannot be in a party which expects me to actually have a problem with rabid Tories. I’ve got news for the Hateful Leighft (I’m quite proud of this): TORIES ARE HUMANS TOO! Some of my best friends are Tories. You’re not going to win them over by sending them to the gulags and you are certainly not going to win them over by actually substantively opposing them. As Mel B once said, “I may be a democratic socialist but I will fight to the death for your right to implement Tory policies!”

So yes, I am a ‘moderate’. I say it proudly! Haters gonna hate! Because the oinks need a credible and electable Labour Party. I know because I’ve actually spoken to some of them (see above). And I can assure you, when they’re not spouting deluded nonsense about nationalising industries, taxing the wealthy and bombing countries less they have very real concerns about immigration and welfare. Concerns which the Fearmongering Left-Outside-Alone Anastacias of the Labour Party choose to ignore because they hate ordinary people. I need a Labour Party which can be in government for these people. These people want their benefits sanctioned by a LABOUR government. These people want their disability benefits re-assessed by a LABOUR government. These people want their Academy schools and PFI NHS Foundation Trusts from a LABOUR government. What exactly is the point of the Laaaaaaaaaaaaaabour Paaaaaaaaaaaaarty (wey!) if it cannot help ordinary people by doing things we dislike when the Tories do them? What exactly is the point of it when it won’t provide people who care deeply about the poor, like what I do, a clear pathway to a safe seat?

I mean, the Leftageddon (needs work) actually think people would rather hear about Trident smdh just smdh. Hu carez, losers?! It’s not an issue! People don’t want to talk about such irrelevances on the doorstep, they instead want to talk about real concerns about how the Muslims are coming here and taking all of their jobs to fund terrorism. That’s what it says here, anyway. Newsflash: some people are racist. They drink tea. Racist mugs feeding the idea that immigration is a problem are both ironic and appealing!

Worst of all, the left are so high, high in the sky like a crazed communist death squad balloon hunting down moderates and SHOOTING THEM, high on their own self-righteousness that they actually criticise previous Laaaaaaabour governments. I mean sheesh, what are they – Tories (whom I deeply respect and actually find to be very pleasant company)? Labour should be a team. The kind of team which ploughs forward and never looks back. The kind of team which refuses to engage in self-reflection, which is an inherently communist idea in my opinion and I should know because I did it once and it was very unpleasant let me tell you. The Labour governments of 1997-2010 did many good things. Because it did many good things, it did no bad things. THIS IS HOW IT WORKS, LEFTILLIAN SHEEPLE! The fact that so much of the good is being, and has been, so easily rolled back by a Conservative government is just a further illustration of how inherently reasonable and not-actually-deserving-of-death-you-loonalefts the Conservative Party is. Quit droning on about wars! Quit droning on about tuition fees or advancing private sector involvement in health and education. NEWSFLASH: lots of people work in the private sector. This is a FACT which you can’t just wish away! Inequality might have gotten worse during Laaaaaabour’s time in office but that’s because so many hard-working rich people worked harder and got richer, which is good for Britain and good for the causes of Britain.

I can also no longer stand idly by, weeping in the kitchen, while the brutes currently in charge of Laaaaaaaaabour openly associate with human rights hating bigots. This has always been the job of the moderates and I’ll be damned if I have that taken from me. Because when a moderate is friends with a brutal dictator, sells arms to totalitarian regimes, openly supports governments which kill their own people and embrace regimes which quite literally sponsored terrorist acts against UK citizens, it’s done for the right reasons. It is mature and statesmanlike, as opposed to when the Asda left shared a platform with some massive bigot in 1993, an act which was shameful and can never be forgiven or forgotten because I will keep raising it, forever.

The hate-riddled left evildoers of doom will never win an election. It is for this reason that I have been going on every media platform available to me in the past 6 months to complain about them and tell people not to vote for them. All the fees from these appearances have gone to a good cause and I greatly enjoyed the Little Mix concert. But now that schtick is tired and if I reinvent myself as a Laaaaaaaaaaabour apostate pushed out by my own moderation I may get some more attention.

Solemn.

Serious.

Scrupulous.

I care. And you should too. I am leaving the Cult of Killer Kommies and joining The Resistance, which is the name of my new anti-Labour column which you can read in the Telegraph every Thursday. Available in all good newsagents.

 

 

We Get What We Can However We Can Get It

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As we edge towards the 2015 General Election or, to give it its proper name, The Worst Election of All Time, we’ll be seeing a lot of boilerplate columns, articles and opinion pieces. You know the ones: a lot of partisan opining on how the deficit is on the right track/doesn’t really matter, about how the Tories are getting people back to work/are building a low-wage precariat economy, about how the Tories/Labour can/cannot be trusted with the NHS. Not all of it will be without merit, of course, but it will be largely predictable.

It’s already clear that one of the boilerplate pieces we’ll be seeing a lot of is on Labour and the Green Party. There’s a lot of undignified mud-slinging going on in both directions but here I want to focus on the ‘ignore the scaremongering, vote Green!’ angle as I’ve seen it quite a lot in recent days – always with a sneering tone which suggests that anyone on the left who disagrees with this stance is a craven Labour stooge.

I’ll focus mainly on Ian Sinclair’s Open Democracy piece as it covers the most ground. Its subheading asks “will it ever be acceptable to vote for a lefty party that isn’t Labour?” Well, that’s easy. Yes, it is. I do it every single year. I’ve voted for Labour only a handful of times in my life and only once at a General Election, in 2010. I did that despite considering myself far to the left of Brown’s Labour government and having many issues with it. I did that because I knew that it would be a tight election and I knew that a Tory government would be a disaster, especially in the immediate aftermath of a financial crash. Others, of course, disagreed and thought that those on the left should vote Liberal Democrat – including figures like George Monbiot, who is now recommending we vote Green – and we all know how that turned out (I’ll return to this later). So the issue here isn’t that left-wing people are arguing ‘never vote for any party but Labour’ (I don’t think anyone but the most slavishly loyal Labour Party hack would argue that) but that they’re arguing ‘this is clearly going to be a very tight election and only Labour or the Tories are going to ‘win’’. This is clear from the daily polls which have Labour/Tories neck and neck but around 20 points ahead of the nearest challenger. The Greens are not going to form the government. As it stands, they’re almost certain to not even win more than one seat. They won’t be kingmakers (and there won’t be a Lab/Green/SNP coalition – the only reason the SNP are floating this is because they know that arrangement will inflame both English and Scottish nationalism, serving no-one other than themselves).

No-one on the left who’s been paying attention could possibly deny that the coalition has done enormous damage to the country. This piece argues that it’s gone ‘further than Thatcher’ in its attack on the vestiges of the post-war settlement and the welfare state. The usual response to this from ‘vote Green’ advocates is ‘Labour were right wing/embrace austerity too!” Well, yes…but do the ‘they’re all the same’ advocates really think that the past five years would have unfurled in the same brutal way under Gordon Brown or Ed Miliband (I know there’s existential points about the relationship of parties to capital etc and I’ll return to that)? I don’t think many would deny that there would have been very real differences in the lives of a great many people. Sinclair mentions Owen Jones’ invoking of the Bedroom Tax as a concrete harmful policy which will be removed by a Labour government, dismissing it because the Greens are picking up support “because of their emphasis on social and economic justice and their opposition to the bedroom tax.” Well that’s great – where does that emphasis get us with one or two MPs? Absolutely nowhere. He also inevitably cries ‘IRAQ!’ Again, great – I marched against the war too. I just don’t see how the Green Party are going to go back in time and stop it.

The point about the Bedroom Tax is important in illustrating that, even within the ‘pro-austerity consensus’, there are important and material differences. The IFS analysis of the three main parties’ stated spending plans for 2015 onwards states that:

The spending cuts required by Labour and the Liberal Democrats to achieve their stated borrowing targets would be significantly smaller than those required by the Conservatives.

and identifies the different plans as one of the “key dividing lines” between the parties. None of this is ‘anti-austerity’ in any sense but the crucial point is that there is no scenario in the 2015 election where ‘anti-austerity’ wins the election. None. As such, we have to be about ameliorating the impact on people’s lives as much as possible.

This doesn’t mean that you suddenly wholeheartedly endorse Labour and everything it does. It doesn’t mean you have to stop supporting the Greens. It doesn’t mean you can’t fight against the Labour right with every fibre of your body. It’s notable that the decline of the two-party system hasn’t been accompanied by a corresponding decoupling of personal identity from parties. We still on the whole think of them in the same way we think of football teams, picking one and ‘supporting’ it. A lot of minority party votes seem to be in protest to the main parties – a ‘not in my name’ mentality. I think this is completely wrong-headed. I think you can vote for a party on the understanding that it might win power in this election and prevent something worse, while still being opposed to what that party stands for. It’s lesser-evilism, yes, but that becomes less of an issue when your politics extends beyond voting and you don’t then feel the need to defend ‘your’ party. Hell, even a lot of people who *do* identify with a party still fight against it. Another characteristic of all this is a failure to consider *why* the two-party system has endured. It’s not just because of the voting system – the fact that parties are broad churches. As much as we may think/be told otherwise, ‘Labour’ or ‘Tory’ has never been a neat signifier and it’s clear that even the Greens and SNP bridge the left/right divide.

Indeed, it’s mandatory that we create movements which are able to influence parties and, perhaps more importantly, wider opinion. It’s an inconvenient truth ignored by everyone from ‘radical’ pro-independence campaigners to ‘vote Green’ advocates that the bulk of the population holds reactionary views on welfare and immigration, is convinced by ‘deficit reduction’ as an important target and doesn’t feel particularly inclined towards what we call ‘the far-left’ (even taking into account support for nationalisation, higher taxes on the wealthy etc). We’re told that if enough of us vote Green then they’ll win – but that relies on the assumption that people merely don’t vote Green because they either don’t know about them or don’t think they can win, which is a BIG assumption and does nothing to parse the reactionary side of ‘the electorate’. The response usually comes “well of course they have those views, that’s what they get from the media and the main parties’.” True. It’s not going to change any time soon and it’s incumbent on all of us to change that rather than pushing the myth that the 7-11% who currently support the Greens are somehow ready to storm the barricades and transform the culture overnight. This ties to the important point of why left-wing parties have moved right in the UK and beyond. The ‘vote Green’ argument would have us believe that it’s simply because the politicians in question are dicks and we have to just keep going til we find the ‘right’ one (see Monbiot with his jump from Green to Plaid Cymru to Lib Dem to Green). Once we begin to understand the importance of the context (the global capitalism system, the UK state, societal pressures) and the break this puts on radicalism (this book is good on that in terms of the Bennites) then our politics begins to shift and we become a bit less precious about what we’re ‘endorsing’ with our vote.

Sinclair suggests that critics of ‘vote Green’ should look to Labour’s growth at the beginning of the 20th Century. It’s absurd enough, having to go back over 100 years to try and illustrate why we should vote a certain way now, but even on its own terms the comparison falls flat. Indeed, it illustrates the importance of context. The Labour Party grew out of trade unionism and socialist movements representing the growing number of ‘urban proletariat’ who had, quite crucially, only recently been granted the vote (and this was still before of universal suffrage). Its breakthrough in supplanting the Liberal Party as one of the two main parties, with a surge in 1918 and a breakthrough in 1922, corresponded with extension of the franchise and is impossible to separate from the small matter of World War One. Comparisons with the Greens in 2015 are utterly useless, especially in an age of instant opinion polling where we can see that, even in elections fought under PR, the Greens are a minority interest (and I think a reform to the voting system should be a BIG priority for the left).

So no, the argument isn’t ‘never vote for any party except Labour’. The argument is ‘get the best outcome we can get in elections and keep fighting for what we believe through whatever means necessary’. You can still be a Green. You can be a radical anarchist opposed to representative democracy. It doesn’t matter. We get what we can, however we can get it.